Of Bicycles and Sidewalks

I live in Toronto and I'm a pedestrian.

Cars don't like me and I've made my peace with them, in that I often jaywalk because it's safer than using an intersection. I'm used to motorists seeing yellow lights as a challenge and right turns into a herd of crossing pedestrians as a bonus round. But the sidewalk...that beautiful, Dentyne-defiled, granite paradise...she used to be mine.

I took her everywhere. When I went to see The Cable Guy on the hardest-earned babysitting money of my life- she was there. When I waited for a Blue Night bus to whisk me into a dreamland of clumsy pickups and terrible life choices- she was there. A bit damper perhaps, but a refuge nonetheless.

Then something changed...

In the ever-present battle for movement, cyclists and pedestrians have grown closer. Very close. Uncomfortably close. True cyclists- the ones that wear moisture-wicking fabric, perform in IRON MANS and possess the ability to re-shape a damaged frame from their titanium gonads- would never be caught dead on the sidewalk. If my own experiences in the past year are any indication, these people account for about 2% of the cycling population.

Roughly 8 times in the past few months, I have experienced moments that go something like this:

*Walk with friend on sidewalk
*Turn head roughly 2.5 inches so our conversation carries on the age-old tradition of "eye-contact"
*Cyclist blazes past skin, leaving a safe distance of 6 nanometers, naturally making sure to avoid all forms of audio cues including bells and speech
*Heart rate surges / belief in the frailty of life strengthens

Recently I was almost struck by someone on a UNICYCLE. Granted, they were clearly learning how to ride a unicycle. Luckily, they decided to hedge their safety bets by picking a major route filled with people / streetcar tracks (Bathurst) and donning an IPOD. As comical as that collision would have been for spectators- I'm sure our respective spleens would have felt differently.

Some cyclists, in their fear of vehicles, have forgotten that when it comes to inflicting injuries- they are NOT at the bottom of the hierarchy illustrated in simple math below:

Tractor Trailers > SUVS > Toyota Echo > Cyclists > Pedestrians

I'll take it another step.

Things Bicycles have: wheels, spokes, sharp metal, more assorted 'impale-y' things
Things People have: soft tissues, kidneys, loved ones (generally)

Some cyclists also forget that pedestrians have curious habits like changing their pace, stopping or taking a step that may veer slightly to the left. Assuming that you can speed past without acknowledging your existence, is a bad plan for all parties involved.

To the bicycle warriors that brave Queen street, with all of its obstacles and threats- my hat goes off to you. I'd feel safer ensconced in a quilt of tainted syringes, which is what propelled me to stop riding when I moved here.

If it's a side street, you make your presence known and you're under 6 years of age- I'll gladly share the sidewalk.

Otherwise- leave it alone. My guardian angel is tired of shitting its pants.

And I'm assuming yours is too.